(Originally posted to Politics at
EraBlog on
Wed, 11 Feb 2004 06:08:52 GMT)
From my email. Origin obscure.
Things you have to believe to be a Republican today:
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Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
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The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
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"Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.
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A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
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Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
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The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
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Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.
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If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
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A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies then demand their cooperation and money.
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HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
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Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
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Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.
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The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George W. Bush's driving record is none of our business.
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You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.
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Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.
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What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what G.W. Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.
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Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.