(Originally posted to Humor at EraBlog on Sun, 30 Mar 2003 03:06:43 GMT)

Emma got this list of "why did the chicken cross the road?" jokes off one of her mailing lists. I've seen most of these before, but some are new, and I can't find this selection on Google.

EMMA BARTHOLOMEW

To show the possum that it could be done.

GEORGE W. BUSH

We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL

Now at the left of the screen, you clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

HANS BLIX

We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road.

MOHAMMED ALDOURI (Iraqi ambassador)

The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We don't even have a chicken.

SADDAM HUSSEIN

This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RALPH NADER

The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

PAT BUCHANAN

To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

RUSH LIMBAUGH

I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.

MARTHA STEWART

No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

JERRY FALWELL

Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the other side. That's what they call it -- the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like the other side.

DR. SEUSS

Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, The chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY

To die. In the rain. Alone.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.

I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA

In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

BARBARA WALTERS

Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON

Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

ARISTOTLE

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX

It was an historical inevitability.

VOLTAIRE

I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.

RONALD REAGAN

What chicken?

CAPTAIN KIRK

To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER

You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

SIGMUND FREUD

The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES

I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

ALBERT EINSTEIN

Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?

COLONEL SANDERS

I missed one?

(Originally posted to Iraq at EraBlog on Mon, 24 Mar 2003 06:56:07 GMT)

A friend of Emma's sent her a link to an article by Thom Hartmann at Commondreams.org.

The 70th anniversary wasn't noticed in the United States, and was barely reported in the corporate media. But the Germans remembered well that fateful day seventy years ago - February 27, 1933. They commemorated the anniversary by joining in demonstrations for peace that mobilized citizens all across the world.

It started when the government, in the midst of a worldwide economic crisis, received reports of an imminent terrorist attack. A foreign ideologue had launched feeble attacks on a few famous buildings, but the media largely ignored his relatively small efforts. The intelligence services knew, however, that the odds were he would eventually succeed. (Historians are still arguing whether or not rogue elements in the intelligence service helped the terrorist; the most recent research implies they did not.)

---

I'm not quite paranoid enough (yet) to buy the analogy, but the numerous parallels are eerie and discomforting.

[permalink: http://EraBlog.NET/filters/10246.post]

(Originally posted to Iraq at EraBlog on Fri, 21 Mar 2003 08:04:55 GMT)

Peter Turnley is a photojournalist who covered the first Gulf War. The Unseen Gulf War is his collection of previously unpublished photos from that war. The photos present no political viewpoint, but what they do "represent is a part of a more accurate picture of what really does happen in war". Warning: there are a number of graphic images of corpses.

(Originally posted to Iraq at EraBlog on Fri, 21 Mar 2003 07:38:19 GMT)

To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public. Teddy Roosevelt, 1918

We're at war. The anti-war protests have ratcheted up, with hundreds of thousands protesting all over the country.

Emma joined the protest outside the Federal Building in Seattle early this evening. She went back to her office after an hour because her bad feet were killing her. Not long after, I arrived in downtown and followed the protesters as they marched up to Westlake, then back down to the Federal Building, where Emma joined me again.

I have no hope that this will make any difference to Bush. But it's important to be counted.

Senator Robert Byrd gave a fine speech yesterday, on the arrogance of power. Michael Kinsley wrote Unauthorized entry - The Bush Doctrine: War without anyone's permission, in today's Slate. Mike Duncan dissects the speech that Bush gave on Monday night, giving Saddam 48 more hours in Lies, Damned Lies, and Ultimatums.

(Originally posted to Iraq at EraBlog on Tue, 18 Mar 2003 06:41:46 GMT)

Almost, but not quite, at war with Iraq. Saddam has forty-eight hours to quit Iraq and avert war, but no-one expects him to do that. Feh.

I would feel slightly better about the new war if Bush had managed to forge a broad-based coalition. Instead, in their heavyhanded way, Bush, Rumsfeld, Cheney, and Perle have managed to piss off most of the world.

Paul Glastris has a good article in Slate about how Bush repeatedly botched the opportunities to get the UN and NATO on board, in contrast with Clinton in Kosovo and his own father for the first Gulf War.

(Originally posted to Ireland at EraBlog on Tue, 18 Mar 2003 06:52:18 GMT)

Roy Foster has a good op-ed in Monday's New York Times about the origin of St. Patrick's Day, and how it's celebrated in the U.S.

[Sorry, the piece is now behind the Times Select firewall.]

(Originally posted to Iraq at EraBlog on Mon, 17 Mar 2003 06:59:33 GMT)

MoveOn.org organized a rolling wave of candlelight vigils across the world today, held at 7pm local time on Sunday, March 16th. Emma and I joined three of our friends at the vigil at the Seattle Central Community College, at Broadway and Pike. I estimate that there were 300-400 people there, and probably thousands more at the other vigils in the Seattle area.

It looks certain that Bush will declare war on Iraq in the next day or two. I'm still against the war. I would very much like to see Saddam gone (the poor bloody Iraqis never deserved thirty-plus years of that thug's misrule), but I don't trust Bush to do it right. Look at how badly they've followed through in Afghanistan: the country has reverted to warlordism outside of Kabul.

Nor has he made a compelling case for going to war. Instead, he and the neocon hawks have managed to alienate the whole world. Eighteen months ago, after 9/11, the world reacted with horror, and made sincere gestures of friendship. Now, practically everyone loathes and fears Bush.

I want the inevitable war to end as quickly as possible, with as little bloodshed as possible. But Mark LeVine at Alternet points out that 'Bush Wins' could be a nightmare scenario for the Left.

Sound Nonviolent Opponents of War are coordinating further peace rallies in the Puget Sound area. (Tip for candlelight vigils: punch a hole through the bottom of a Dixie (translucent wax-paper) cup and push the candle through that; the cup will catch dripping wax and it will also protect the flame from the wind.)

(Originally posted to Humor at EraBlog on Wed, 12 Mar 2003 00:31:42 GMT)

The Onion has a piece on Irish-Americans Gear Up For 'The Reinforcin' O' The Stereotypes'.

(Originally posted to Humor at EraBlog on Tue, 04 Mar 2003 08:07:10 GMT)

I saw The Closer You Get yesterday. It's a comedy about desperate bachelors in an Irish fishing village, who place an ad in the Miami Herald for American women to come to Donegal. It's an inoffensive, lightweight piece of paddywhackery in the spirit of Waking Ned Devine.

These "Irish Personals" arrived in my inbox this morning. Very apropos.

Grossly overweight Louth turfcutter, 42 years old and 23 stone, Gemini, seeks nimble sexpot, preferably South American, for tango sessions, candlelit dinners and humid nights of screaming passion. Must have own car and be willing to travel.

Following a sad recent loss, teetotal Tipperary man, 53, seeks replacement mammy. Must like biscuits and answer to the name Minnie. Thurles area.

Galway man, 50, in desperate need of a ride. Anything considered.

Heavy drinker, 35, Cork area, seeks gorgeous sex addict interested in pints, fags, Munster RFC, and starting scraps on Patrick Street at three in the morning.

Bitter, disillusioned Kerryman lately rejected by longtime fiancee seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still exists in this cruel world of hatchet-faced bitches.

Ginger-haired Galwegian trouble-maker, gets slit-eyed and shirty after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes, maybe more.

Artistic Clare woman, 53, petite, loves rainy walks on the beach, writing poetry, unusual sea-shells and interesting brown rice dishes, seeks mystic dreamer for companionship, back rubs and more as we bounce along like little tumbling clouds on life's beautiful crazy journey. Strong stomach essential.

Chartered accountant, 42, seeks female for marriage. Duties will include cooking, light cleaning and accompanying me to office social functions. References required. No timewasters.

Bad-tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard living in a damp cottage in the arse end of Roscommon seeks attractive 21-year-old blonde lady with big chest.

Devil-worshiper, Offaly area, seeks like minded lady for wining and dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks and slaughtering cats in cemeteries at midnight under the flinty light of a pale moon.

Attractive brunette, Macroom area, winner of Miss Wrangler competition at Jolene's Nightclub, Macroom, in September 1978, seeks nostalgic man who's not afraid to cry for long nights spent comfort drinking and listening to old Abba records. Please, Please!

Limerick man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for the night of February 27 between 8pm and 11:30pm.

Optimistic Mayo man (Glen Corcoran), seeks blonde 20-year-old double-jointed supermodel who owns her own brewery and has an open-minded twin sister.