These "Irish Personals" arrived in my inbox this morning. Very apropos.
Grossly overweight Louth turfcutter, 42 years old and 23 stone, Gemini,
seeks nimble sexpot, preferably South American, for tango sessions,
candlelit dinners and humid nights of screaming passion. Must have own
car and be willing to travel.
Following a sad recent loss, teetotal Tipperary man, 53, seeks
replacement mammy. Must like biscuits and answer to the name Minnie.
Galway man, 50, in desperate need of a ride. Anything considered.
Heavy drinker, 35, Cork area, seeks gorgeous sex addict interested in
pints, fags, Munster RFC, and starting scraps on Patrick Street at
three in the morning.
Bitter, disillusioned Kerryman lately rejected by longtime fiancee
seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still exists in
this cruel world of hatchet-faced bitches.
Ginger-haired Galwegian trouble-maker, gets slit-eyed and shirty after
a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes, maybe
Artistic Clare woman, 53, petite, loves rainy walks on the beach,
writing poetry, unusual sea-shells and interesting brown rice dishes,
seeks mystic dreamer for companionship, back rubs and more as we bounce
along like little tumbling clouds on life's beautiful crazy journey.
Strong stomach essential.
Chartered accountant, 42, seeks female for marriage. Duties will
include cooking, light cleaning and accompanying me to office social
functions. References required. No timewasters.
Bad-tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard living in a damp cottage in the
arse end of Roscommon seeks attractive 21-year-old blonde lady with big
Devil-worshiper, Offaly area, seeks like minded lady for wining and
dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks and slaughtering
cats in cemeteries at midnight under the flinty light of a pale moon.
Attractive brunette, Macroom area, winner of Miss Wrangler competition
at Jolene's Nightclub, Macroom, in September 1978, seeks nostalgic man
who's not afraid to cry for long nights spent comfort drinking and
listening to old Abba records. Please, Please!
Limerick man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for
the night of February 27 between 8pm and 11:30pm.
Optimistic Mayo man (Glen Corcoran), seeks blonde 20-year-old
double-jointed supermodel who owns her own brewery and has an
open-minded twin sister.